“Pay no attention to toxic words. What people say is often a reflection of themselves, not you.” – Christian Baloga
How do you define “toxic people?
We certainly cannot go around labeling people as toxic or non-toxic people.
WebMD defines toxic people as, “A toxic person is anyone whose behavior adds negativity and upset to your life.”
From personal life experiences, I have come to interpret a toxic person as someone who does not respect you being in their life.
They are not happy no matter what you do. Everything you do is still not enough for that person.
You drain your energy when you are dealing with that toxic person.
Even though you may not have had a physical fight with them, your whole body feels as you exercised for hours. You feel pain in your entire body!
Their attitude towards you affects your emotional well-being
You have this constant up and down of emotional and mental state.
If your day is not going well with that “toxic person,” then your mood is affected and, in turn, your productivity.
You are unable to focus on yourself. You are unable to focus on your life!!
The people we hang around may be the most beautiful in the world, but they are not matching our energy.
They don’t see the world from our point of view.
Except for our parents, siblings, and relatives, if these people are in our life, then we are to be blamed. Not them!
Once we figure out someone is toxic in our life, it is our responsibility to distance ourselves from them (if we cannot remove ourselves entirely from their lives).
Why do we keep associating with these people? It isn’t as if we will receive a medal for “Tolerating Toxic People!”
Investing your energy into toxic people will only drain your energy.
Sometimes we become so consumed with maintaining a relationship or a friendship that we lose track of our goals and dreams.
We lose our identity in the pursuit of keeping other people happy.
Only a few of us in this world dare to cut such people off and chase after a dream.
Once we dream, we must have the courage to go after that dream.
Like other successful people who lived before us, even our dream will cost us something.
What does that cost?
First, decide what your life’s purpose is. What do you want from life?
Second, cut off toxic people who don’t serve our purpose and do not have the same vision in life.
We keep wasting our time focusing on them, whereas we should focus on ourselves first.
Toxic People Doubt You
Toxic people doubt you. This is true about our loved ones. Our loved ones think in our best interest to a certain extent, but they look at you from their point of view.
They only know what they learned growing up. Our loved ones adopted the beliefs which they accepted growing up.
And now they project their beliefs onto you.
We must have the courage to confront our loved ones.
We sometimes must face our loved ones (not in a derogatory way) and ask them to stop judging us and our dreams.
When somebody cannot do something, they will be the first to voice their opinion.
They will tell you you cannot do something because they lack the courage to rise above the average and persist towards their dream.
They will call you crazy because you are the odd one out. When everybody else is partying and socializing, you might be investing your time in improving your skills.
I have had people tell me that something is wrong with me preferring to be alone most of the time.
They sure have tried to convince me that I need “friends” in my life.
We do not need friends (plural). We just need one or two genuine people in our life who are ready to walk with us shoulder to shoulder and encourage us to live our life to the fullest.
If you already have lots of friends, how will you know they are real?
One time Les Brown said in his lecture, “Make a list of all of your friends and start making a call. Call them and tell them there is a significant event in your life, and it will mean a lot if they come. If someone makes an excuse and says, they cannot, then cross their name off the list and move on to the next one.”
People who genuinely care about you will not manipulate you. They will not doubt you or your abilities. If anything, they will be willing to offer you help.
Toxic People Are Envious of You
It sounds a little harsh to say people around you are jealous of you, but jealous people wish worse upon you.
Envious people wish they had what you have but not wish worse upon you.
We do not have a choice when choosing our parents or siblings. But we had a choice choosing our friends.
If you already know such people who are jealous of you, do yourself a favor and walk away from them.
You do not need to confront them. Just walk away in silence. There is a power in silence.
You can say a lot without saying a word. Remember, actions speak louder than words.
You just need to keep your eye on your goal and keep on succeeding. Let them be jealous.
Now let’s talk about envious people.
Nobody wants to be a failure in life. It is just their limiting beliefs that hold them back.
But whatever the reason that we don’t know, they never pursued their dreams.
However, when you decide to pursue your dream, they notice you succeed, which makes them envy.
They not only want to have what you have materialistic, but they wish they had the self-confidence, courage, and determination like you.
Little do these people know that we are fighting our demons inside of us.
It took us the courage to take that first step. Not only take the first step but keep persisting towards our goals day in and day out even when we did not see any success on the horizon.
For example, when people see a famous athlete, they think, “He is lucky!” No, he is not lucky!
Some of them may, but most of them put in the hours every day to be where they are.
Top athletes worldwide like Tiger Woods, John Cena, Viral Kohli, and many were not born athletes.
These athletes knew what they wanted from life and went after it.
Like attracts like. Therefore, some relationships with two different values fail. Some difference in opinion is okay, but if two people’s values are polar opposite in the relationship, the connection will fail unless they meet in the middle.
The dynamic is a little different with friends. Our friends need our company. They need someone with whom they can relate.
This is the reason when you decide to be, do, and have something different for your life; they oppose that.
Misery loves company. Just because you have a revelation in life does not mean they do as well.
Just because you want to be better in life does not mean they want to.
Before, if you and your friends lived in misery together, and now you decide you want to be happy, then there is a conflict.
People you hung around with loved your company because you were like them.
When you were with them, it gave them the confirmation of their reality.
If they were lazy and lame and you hung out with them, it proves that being lazy and lame in life is okay.
Unless you decide to change your reality, the toxic people will keep holding onto you because they do not want to be miserable alone.
They need your company.
Conclusion
The life we desire is within our reach. It is a matter of how we set our priorities. It is a matter of how we spend hours in a day.
Time is a commodity. If you lose it, then you cannot gain it back.
We need to be diligent about with whom we spend most of our time. Are these people in our life to make us better?
Or are these people toxic?
Toxic people are in our life just for that – being toxic!
They will kill your dreams if you permit them.
Decide now what matters the most in your life.
In the long run, the investment in ourselves will pay off.
“It is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all—in which case, you fail by default.” – J. K. Rowling
J.K. Rowling’s quote is such a powerful quote. It pretty much summarizes the title of this post.
There are far more reasons people fail, but I will list 10 reasons I have encountered in my own life.
I hope that someone can relate to this and make the same changes in their lives.
#1 Reason We Fail – FALSE IDENTITY
The human mind is far more powerful than they think.
We are not born with an identity.
Yes, we are born into a particular religion, into a specific family, as a specific gender, and you get the idea.
But, identities like “I am not good enough,” “I am not smart,” or “I am ugly” are identities we have adopted through our interactions with our environments.
If our parents or anyone in authority told you as growing up, “You are not smart,’ and if you accepted that idea, then that became your reality.
Of course, as kids, we did not control what we accepted or what we did not.
We can say that the present life you have is the canvas and the painting on it is the total of all the beliefs you accumulated over the years.
If you do not like the painting you have painted, then create a new one.
Start creating a new identity for yourself.
Remember, it is not easy to change an old identity, just like changing an old habit.
The minute you try to affirm something positive to yourself, there will be resistance.
However, affirmation is a good starting point to change your current reality.
#2 Reason We Fail – NEVER BEGINNING
Your ideas are worthless if you do not act upon them.
We wait around waiting for that “perfect moment.” Waiting for the thunder in the sky, for the lighting to strike, and voice echoing through the sky telling us, “Hey, the perfect moment for you to begin has arrived. You may begin now.”
It has taken me years to be where I am right now. I recently found my journal where I listed my dreams and goals, but I never acted upon them.
It is sad to see how many years we lose just wishing and hoping because we never begin.
We never take that first step towards our goal.
We go through life as we have 1000 years remaining.
If we do not begin for ourselves, then we have the duty as human beings to do it for others.
Who knows the knowledge, the product, or the skills you want to share with the world may benefit people in a way you never thought possible.
How can we expect anything in return if we do not put in the effort?
We do not expect heat without fire
We do not expect our car to turn on without turning it on.
Then how can we expect to succeed without ever beginning?
#3 Reason We Fail – LACK OF SELF – DISCIPLINE
Once we begin, we must maintain self-discipline day in and day out.
It is easy to go to things we find comforting when going gets hard.
For me, it was napping!
I was like a cat! I thought if I shut my eyes, then the problem would disappear.
But guess what?
It made the matter worse.
Day after day, lack of discipline put a dent in my self-esteem and self-worth.
Understand this fact, that it takes a whole lot of self-discipline when you begin working towards your goal.
Heck, if it were easy, every person be, do, and have what they desire.
When you begin the journey, have a mental attitude as if you have paid an academy a high amount of your hard-earned money. If you do not accomplish the goal, the academy will kick you out and not refund your hard-earned money.
For example, every time I desire to take a nap or watch TV for countless hours, I imagine myself as a nursing student and how disciplined and focused I was.
I did not want to fail when I was a nursing student because the university that I went to kicked the student out of the university if they failed two semesters.
I bring that image inside my head and get back to working towards my goal.
It is pretty lame to get kicked out of life before accomplishing my dreams and goals.
Do not underestimate what it will take to make a specific goal a reality. It takes hard work and discipline.
If we say to ourselves, “this sounds hard. Why go through all of this?”
Well, it is not the question of hard or easy. It is a question of if you are currently happy in your life.
#4 Reason Why We Fail – WE ARE LAZY
If we do not want to put serious hours into attaining our goals, we are lazy. Simple!
If somebody says, “I want to start walking to lose weight but do not have time.”
That is just pure laziness.
We can afford to take 30 minutes out of our day to go for a walk.
Sometimes working towards our goal does not require any physical work. It may just be that you need to acquire specific skills and knowledge to attain your goal.
This reason goes hand in hand with the previous reason mentioned above.
Just because we lack self-discipline, we become lazy.
We might sit here watching re-runs of our favorite show on Netflix while someone else is working towards the same goal as yours.
They will end up reaching their goals because they are not lazy.
#5 Reason We Fail – DISTRACTED BY “SHINY NEW OBJECT”
It is so easy to get distracted by the next new idea on the internet.
We start with a particular road map inside our heads when we begin our journey.
I have certainly been guilty of this, and I had to train my mind to stay focused on what I had initially intended to work upon and not get distracted by a different idea.
For example, if you are learning to start a YouTube channel, stay focused on just that.
If YouTube suggests a particular YouTube video on “How to earn $80,000/month without a YouTube channel,” then please do not click on it!
You will end up going into a deep hole.
Once you watch this video, YouTube will suggest similar videos you just watched (which you were not supposed to watch anyway).
Now guess what?
Instead of using the resources for our intended purposes, we got carried away with our emotions on earning $80,000/month without a YouTube channel.
Yes, there may be different legal ways to earn $80,000/month, but even that will require all of the things mentioned above – beginning, self-discipline, determination, and of course, skills and knowledge.
#6 Reason We Fail – EXPECTING TOO MUCH TOO QUICKLY
Any change takes time, but in this fast-paced world, we expect instant gratification.
Whether it be a reply to our texts, reply to our emails, losing five pounds, growing hair, or whatever. We want it, and we want it right now!!
For example, some videos on YouTube have over million views, with titles such as, “How I lost 10 pounds in a week!”
Some of us may click that video out of curiosity, but some believe it is possible to lose 10 pounds in a week.
I am digressing here but losing that much weight in a week is not healthy—especially nowadays, even young audiences watching YouTube videos on such topics.
Now back to our discussion.
I heard this quote somewhere, “There is a season to sow, and there is a season to reap. You cannot do both in the same season.”
Pregnancy lasts nine months.
An oak tree takes 30-40 years to grow from an acorn.
It takes around 8 and 18 months when a baby will take his first step.
Then how can we be unfair to ourselves and set ourselves for failure by expecting too much in too little time?
Isn’t that unfair?
#7 Reason We Fail – RESIST CHANGE
It is natural for human beings to resist change because change is unknown and scary.
It feels nice to stay in a comfort zone, especially if we have worked towards something for such a long time.
I know someone in life who resists installing an app on the phone. They resist change even though these changes could make their life easier.
Be open to other people’s ideas and advice. That does not mean you have to accept their ideas.
Maybe you will look at your problem from a different angle. There are many perspectives in this world, and you can choose which one you look at.
Anything in the universe keeps changing. It would be silly of us to think that we do not change.
One good thing about change is that there is not only one route.
Of all the ideas available, you will have to choose how to become the best version of yourself.
Failing the first couple of times might seem hard, and as a reason for us to quit, hang in there. It is a fantastic thing.
Failing helps you realize what you did wrong and significantly change your mistakes to make yourself have tremendous success.
#8 Reason We Fail – TRYING TO COMPETE INSTEAD OF DOMINATING
Most of us don’t fail because there is lots of competition.
We fail because we do not think outside the box.
Before Uber came around, we knew only about taxis.
Uber did not try to compete. Instead, it filled in the specific needs in the market that the taxis did not meet.
“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.” — Colin Powell
We wish life would be as easy as watching TV, sleeping, eating food, playing video games, and many other activities that do not require much mental stamina.
But the reality is far from the truth. If we solve one problem, there will be a thousand more problems.
Each of us has dreams and goals we want to achieve, but we wait around for the “perfect moment” to chase our dreams.
Guess what?
That “perfect moment” does not exist.
If there is that “perfect moment,” then it is now.
There is only 5% population who are successful in life because they know what they want, and they just begin.
The current situation does not matter to successful people. Once they decide upon a goal, they just begin.
If there is an obstacle, then they figure out a way to deal with it along the way.
And once a successful person sets a goal, they make sure to persist in the plan until they achieve that goal.
There is no rocket science to achieving success in our lives, but the following steps will give you a jump start to begin where you are and arrive where you want to reach in life.
I do not claim any ideas presented here as mine. These ideas are the accumulation of all the successful people I have listened to over the years.
The first step to success – DECIDE
Believe it or not but success starts with a decision.
We must decide first what we want to achieve in life.
Heck, if we travel from point A to point B, we decide, don’t we?
Then how do we expect to reach our goals without deciding what we want from life?
So, decide now. What is it exactly do you want from life?
Better health, a better job, more money, or more happiness?
Each of us has an inner voice that keeps nagging us—telling us if we are on the right track or just ignoring our life’s purpose.
Once you decide upon something, it does not stop there.
If we have previously tried achieving this same goal and failed, we will likely fail without resolving the core issue.
Let’s focus on doing things a little differently this time.
Take inventory of the things that are holding you back from achieving what you desire.
Is it a lack of education?
Is it a lack of money?
Is it a lack of confidence?
What exactly is it that had held you back in the past?
I have talked about how our false beliefs and old habits prevent us from reaching our full potential.
If we do not invest a little bit of time now and keep holding onto false beliefs, then the minute we decide to pursue our goal, we will feel a lump of anxiety within us.
The minute we decide to act towards our goals, we will procrastinate!
Remember, nobody is born lazy! Nobody decides to procrastinate on purpose and chooses to fail consciously.
Once we have identified what is stopping us from achieving our goals, it is time to move on to the second step.
The Second Step to Success – STUDY
In his book “Think and Grow Rich,” Napoleon Hill mentions that ‘knowledge will not attract money unless it is organized, and intelligently directed through practical plans of action.
He furthermore explains, “Knowledge becomes power only when, and if, it is organized into definite plans of actions, and directed to a definite end.”
Knowledge does not come from spending years in school.
If you look up the name of some of the successful people, you will notice most of them did not have formal education.
However, these successful people knew to find people who already possessed this knowledge and create a “mastermind” group.
Presently it is much easier to extract knowledge given all the resources available at our fingertips.
If we want to learn how to do yoga, we just enter “yoga” in Google’s search query, and it will return tons of available information on the internet.
So once we decide on our goals and eradicate the false belief, take a moment to determine what knowledge you will need to gain to execute your plans.
If you want to achieve something, you must read, listen, and study the people who have already achieved what you desire.
When I wanted to begin writing articles for my blog, I spent countless hours reading books on how to write a blog post, watching videos on how bloggers started their blogging career, and so many other things.
Plans without actions are just that – Plans!
After acquiring the needed knowledge for your goals – ACT!
The Third Step to Success – ACT
If we spend 8 hours on sleep and 8 hours on work, we have the remaining 8 hours to work on ourselves.
How we spend that remaining 8 hours depends on how we want our future to be.
Remember, our current actions determine our future.
If we spend those remaining 8 hours doing nothing, we achieve nothing.
It is that simple!!
There will be a time when you are ready to act, and your inner voice will stop you!
Have you had one of those days when you decide to exercise? You tell yourself, “I will start on Monday!”
I sure have had those days.
Do you know the inner voice that stops you from taking action is none other than your old, conditioned mind?
Do you know those false beliefs that I mentioned earlier to identify?
This is why it is essential to resolve our false core beliefs before working towards our goals.
When you have this inner voice stopping you from taking action, ACT anyway! Face your fear, laziness, anxiety, or whatever it is head on!
Once you keep taking action regardless of the negative inner thoughts, you will gain momentum, and eventually, it will become your new identity.
The Fourth Step to Success – FOCUS
As previously discussed, we have 8 hours on ourselves.
But instead of working on ourselves, we focus on doing meager things which probably are not even related to our goals.
We watch the news, play games, post on social media, reply to unimportant messages (email or text).
We do all these things, keeping ourselves busy, tricking our mind into thinking that we are doing something but what we are doing is wasting away our precious time.
Our mind is a powerful machine that can achieve whatever we desire, but instead, we focus on small tasks.
Especially nowadays, with so many social media apps, it is so easy to get distracted.
Make it a goal. If necessary, let your friends and family members know that you will be not available for a specific time during the day. Just like you would not be available if you were at a workplace where you cannot use your phone unless in an emergency.
Keeping external distractions (TV, phone, friends, and family members) will allow you to give your undivided attention to the task on hand.
Also, another thing – avoid being a people pleaser!
I have been guilty of this. I have always tried to put other people, their needs, and feelings before mine. And over the years, I learned my share of lessons the hard way.
If we are focused on other people to make sure they are happy because it makes you happy, then I have news for you – People Are Never Going to Be Satisfied!
In the end, you will lose your precious time on people who are not worth your time and energy.
And you can NEVER recover your lost time.
So, stay focused on your goal!
Avoid getting distracted. Make sure you pick just ONE goal and focus on that ONE goal only!
Avoid getting distracted by having multiple goals and “shiny object syndrome.”
For example, if you are trying to earn money and your efforts are not showing any results, it is easy to get distracted and try the next new idea (‘shiny object syndrome”) that promises to help you make money.
If you move from goal to goal, you will just be turning wheels like a hamster going nowhere.
You must become laser-focused on your ONE goal and persist until you make sure you achieve it and avoid getting distracted by “shiny object syndrome.”
The Fifth Step to Success – PERSISTENCE
We can summarize the steps to success in one word – Persistence!
Yes, we may decide, study, act, and focus, but all the efforts are useless if we quit before reaching our goals.
Not only does stopping put all our efforts to waste, but it also puts a dent in our self-esteem.
Guess what will happen when you try to do something next time?
Next time we try to do something new, this failure will be standing in the way.
You have already created evidence to prove that you cannot achieve anything.
The problem does not lie within you.
The problem lies in being inconsistent and non-persistent towards your goal.
If we make a promise to ourselves, “No matter what, I will steadily keep working towards my goal, until I know I exhausted all of my efforts and my resources,” there is no room for failure.
Now imagine this, when we were a baby and were learning to walk, we fell multiple times and got up again.
Our parents NEVER mocked us or told us to sit down in the corner because we were being a nuisance to people around us.
They NEVER told us that we are making ourselves look like a fool falling and getting up again and again!
They NEVER told us, “We are not good enough.”
They NEVER told us, and we (even as young as we were) NEVER accepted that we would NEVER learn how to walk.
Did we?
Then why not become persistent like that with any of the goals we set for ourselves?
Work on your goal as if you know you will succeed. There is no room for failure!
Conclusion
As quickly as we get distracted today, it is easy to prematurely give up on our goals.
Success is inevitable to the person who knows what he is doing. There are only five steps to success.
If we follow these five steps to success, there is no room for failure.
“Successful People Don’t Fear Failure But Understand That It’s Necessary To Learn And Grow From.” — Robert Kiyosaki
To become successful, we must read successful people.
To become the best version of ourselves, we must begin with personal development.
Keep reading the quote until you connect with it, and it sinks within you.
Most of us genuinely want to be successful in life, but the minute we try something and fail, we quickly give up on our goals.
We do not give ourselves enough time to succeed.
We indeed can become better in life through our own experiences, but when we have coaches in our lives, it speeds up the process.
I have listened to several self-help coaches over the years. I find myself constantly going back to their videos because there is so much depth of information in their contents.
My journey in personal development began a long time ago. The first-ever personal development coach I listened to was Tony Robbins (when his programs were on audio cassettes).
The internet did not exist until a few years later, but I listened to excellent speakers on audio cassettes such as Deepak Chopra, Brian Tracy, and Wayne Dyer.
Initially, I listened to them because I just liked the ideas they shared and the wisdom they had. Eventually, I became more intrigued with this idea of thoughts and emotions and how they control our actions and, in turn, control our lives.
The internet evolved when resources like YouTube became available at a fingertip. I became more obsessed with watching as many videos as possible in personal development.
Sometimes I binge-watched these videos until my mind became saturated with ideas and new beliefs.
The following list of names is not by far complete.
I know there are many more currently who are successful.
However, the following are successful people I have listened to and who have positively influenced my life.
Bob Proctor
Bob Proctor recently passed on, but he is my inspiration to write the blog posts again. For some reason, his death felt very personal to me, and I spent a whole day feeling the pain of losing such an extraordinary man who dedicated his life to improving the lives of others.
Bob Proctor was not born into the riches. If anything, his life was a mess until 1961, when he met a man Raymond Douglas Stanford.
Ray Stanford had quite an impact on Mr. Proctor’s life. To the point that he decided to name his son after him. Bob Proctor named his son Raymond Douglas Proctor.
Bob Proctor was introduced to Napoleon Hill’s book Think and Grow Rich. He promised to study the ideas presented in this book, and when he finds “the secret” as to what it is that changes a person’s life, he will spend the rest of his life teaching that to others.
I have tremendous respect for Bob Proctor because he made a promise, and he followed through on that promise for the rest of his. He has changed the lives of so many individuals around the world.
I first came across Bob Proctor on YouTube was when I watched his video You Were Born Rich!
What a fantastic video! So much so that I repeatedly go back to that video and always end up learning something new.
One statement in that video has given me the strength to keep moving forward and improving in life regardless of the external circumstances.
And that statement is
“The saddest thing what is officiating out of funeral is not the death of the body but the death of all the dream.”
Tom Bilyeu
I love how Tom Bilyeu interviews some of the most successful people from all areas of life. I especially love how he introduces his guest (you must watch one of his videos to know what I mean).
His guest’s introduction is so grand that I almost feel like I want to be on his show one day, and he gives me a grand introduction!!
Tom Bilyeu is co-founder of Quest Nutrition and CEO of Impact Theory.
Tom Bilyeu used to be overweight, lazy, lost in life, and scared of everything.
Then one day, he decided to get into film school and was determined to get in. He got into film school and was one of the selected four for senior thesis film, but he failed in an embarrassing way.
After this failure, he accepts the belief that he is not talented and is not worth anything.
Regardless of his past failure, Tom Bilyeu became a successful entrepreneur.
Before this, I did not know Tom Bilyeu, but I clicked to see more of his videos after watching the abovementioned video.
He has so many inspiring interview videos on his channel that it is like being in a candy store. You really cannot decide which video you want to watch first.
Lewis Howes
Lewis Howes is a very humble and down-to-earth personality.
Lewis mentions in this video that he was abused sexually when he was 5 (which I did not know until I started researching for this article) and how that event affected him until his adulthood.
A former football player, Lewis Howes, has gone from not having a “perfect” childhood to becoming a successful entrepreneur under age 30.
President Obama also recognized him as a successful entrepreneur.
He has interviewed many celebrities on his podcast “The School of Greatness.”
The words here cannot list all the things Lewis Howes has achieved in his life. He has achieved far more things at the age of 38 for having the life he has had growing up.
Just like Tom Bilyeu, there are so many masterminds on his podcast that I really cannot pinpoint to just one and say, “This one podcast changed my life!”
His podcast is golden nugget! There is so much wealth of information that there is no room for failure.
Aaron Doughty
I came across Aaron Doughty when I struggled with obsessive thoughts about my failure. Day in and day out, I kept thinking about how I began this blog but gave up on it.
I got so sick and tired that I asked myself, “How do I let go?”
Aaron Doughty did not have a perfect childhood. He mentions in his video how his ex-mom was toxic and how this had affected his identity.
In 2017 Aaron Doughty worked as a women’s shoe salesman at Barneys, New York. He chose to post one YouTube video every day to change his current reality. He has not stopped since then.
He has 1.23 million subscribers on YouTube alone.
He has several videos around “Letting go.”
His videos are very relatable. In one of his videos how mentions how he hated his 9-5 job.
He wanted to quit his job and start posting videos on YouTube but had self-doubt about how he was not good enough, not credible, did not know how to edit, did not know how to film.
His teachings are more aligned with what I talk about on this blog.
He talks about how we need to become aware of our self-limiting beliefs and change them to create a better present and future for ourselves.
His video has inspired me to be not so hard on myself. I decided to either live in the past or pick up where I left and begin again.
Conclusion
“We do not attract what we want, we attract who we are.” — John C. Maxwell
We always tend to focus outside of ourselves to gain validation for ourselves. We use other people’s reactions to define our character, but the truth is we create our reality.
We certainly can change our old false beliefs when we become aware of them, but when will that moment come?
Decide to work on yourself and find mentors who have already achieved what you desire because YOU are the world!
“It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.” —Muhammad Ali
Sometimes even though we wake up each morning with a positive intention, we end up spending our day doing the aimless task, and just before we go to sleep, we promise ourselves tomorrow is going to be a different day. The next day comes by, and we repeat the process.
We know what we want from life in our minds and hearts. Yet we sell ourselves short.
We watch motivational videos day in and day out, thinking that answers to our questions lie within those videos.
Maybe we think that watching many motivational videos is a productive task.
Or sometimes, we are just so afraid of facing our fear that we seek to spend time with other people to avoid doing the things we are supposed to do.
We fail to see that the very people we find comfort in, these same people, might be stunting our growth.
Just because they cannot achieve something, they will tell you that you cannot achieve it.
And just because we have not taken the time to work on ourselves, we go along with them and give up on our dreams.
Yes, it is okay to watch motivational videos when we feel low and need those words of encouragement. But any desire without action is just that – A Desire!
Affirmation Without Feelings and Actions Is Just A Desire
I have learned from my personal experience that affirmation without feelings and actions is just a desire.
When I started writing for this blog, I had big dreams. I even got through the limiting beliefs that I am not a good writer.
I fell off the wagon after working on my website and writing a few blog posts.
Why?
Because running a blog takes time, patience, dedication, and PERSISTENCE.
I had plenty of time available, but I lacked patience, commitment, and, most important of all, persistence.
I set my expectations way high. I assumed I would write a few blog posts, then magically, I would get lots of traffic to my website.
Then I was also focused on reading and absorbing other people’s beliefs about how most blogging websites get lost in this vast world of the internet.
Instead of learning and figuring out how to drive traffic to my website, I just went back to living my life.
Day in and day out, I aimlessly spent my time watching many videos on YouTube.
Sometimes I watch a video to seek an answer to my question, “I have a nagging desire to start writing blog posts again, but why am I unable to pull myself to take action?”
“Why do I keep wasting my time every single day, pretending I am being productive but have nothing to show at the end of the day?”
I, just like everyone else, failed to see that I was just trying to avoid the big elephant in the room.
And that is FEAR!
Zig Ziglar said Fear is nothing more than False Evidence Appearing Real
Maybe it is fear of failure, or perhaps it is fear of success. Who knows?
But I learned that if we sit down quietly without any distraction and notice what makes us uncomfortable, we can learn a lot about ourselves.
Affirmations Will Not Help Unless We Change Our Beliefs
I learned that I still held onto deep-rooted beliefs from my past, and I decided to change that.
I already had watched so many motivational videos. So, I decided to do the steps these speakers suggest changing the old beliefs and replacing them with new ones.
One thing stood out from almost all the videos I watched, and that was what Earl Nightingale said, “We become what we think about.”
Whether we think consciously or subconsciously, it does not matter. But what we believe of ourselves subconsciously will always triumph over conscious thought.
According to The National Science Foundation (NSF), human beings on average have 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts, 80% are negatives, and 95% are exact as the previous day.
Suppose we become determined and decide to monitor our negative thoughts and change them. Do you think it is possible to do so?
It is not possible for two reasons. First, it is impossible to monitor every thought, and second, the change will be temporary.
We can achieve only so much through conscious efforts, but we can be, do, and have whatever we desire in life if it is a habit.
The Reason Affirmations Do Not Work
Affirmation is a statement that defines what we think and what we believe of ourselves.
For example, if I say, “I am not smart!”
That statement is what I accepted wholeheartedly, and I believe it is accurate of myself.
If I am okay not being smart, then repeatedly affirming the statement will not bother me. Repetition of any affirmation just confirms the belief.
Meaning I will subconsciously behave and do things that prove that I am not smart.
What if I have been affirming this for years, and now I want to change that?
Will changing the affirmation to “I am smart” make me smart suddenly?
Not really!
Eventually, maybe you will start accepting and believing your new belief, but not until you change it at a subconscious level.
1 Simple Way to Use Affirmations Correctly
The reason affirmations do not work is because affirmations are just sentences we create without any feeling behind them.
Also, there is no confirmation in your reality to prove your affirmation to be true.
For example, if I do not hold a job but intend to earn money and affirm to myself, “I earn $10,000.00 a month,” two things will happen.
First, you get uncomfortable from inside
Second, your mind will echo back to you saying, “No, you do not.”
So how do we create a feeling behind the affirmations?
There are several ways to create a feeling, but I have found what Joseph Alai teaches helpful.
Before you go to sleep, create a 30-second scene in your imagination and play that scene in a loop while falling asleep.
He emphasizes that the scene you create must be in the first person.
If you want to change your old programming of not being smart, create a 30-second scene inside your head where you observe yourself in the first person.
Hear people saying to you, “You are so smart.”
And you reply saying, “Thank you! It feels nice to be smart.”
If you are interested in learning more about Joseph Alai’s teaching, please check out his videos on YouTube.
Conclusion
Using affirmations to change deep-rooted beliefs does work. However, just affirming sentences without feelings behind them will do nothing. There are many ways to change deep-rooted beliefs, but one must become aware of that self-limiting belief.
Awareness is the cure!
Become aware of your self-imposed and self-limiting beliefs and remove those beliefs permanently from your subconscious mind by correctly using affirmations.
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